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right before my 41st birthday,
my doctor laid my diagnoses out for me,
the good news was that the pain wasnt going to kill me,
but that's also the bad news
ask a chronic pain 'survivor' and they will tell you,
its akin to being randomly punched by
invisigirl, or having wonder woman's stupid ass landing her
invisible jet plane on you while you are alseep, then calling superman to
move it while he calls her all manners of idiot for continuing to not know how to fly.

line up all of the free weights you have in a row
then sleep on them, neck to ankles.

let a mother with a double stroller ride the backs of your heels in the grocery store
until she's bored

find a fedora in tj max or filenes basement, that is one size too small, not two sizes too small or
you'll never squeeze your head into it
then
squeeze your head into it, and try to make rational decisions.

hit your knees with hammers before getting out of bed, the knee caps and
the muscles above them that help support you when you stand, make sure
you have to pee really bad first.

your left shoulder, the shoulder blade, let a small child ride their tricycle across it several times,
then have your teenager demonstrate what a double jointed person can do when they
lock hands and move their arms around in a circle.
yes i understand you are not double jointed. but, the experience is what we are going for.

put a tack in the waist band of your undewear , with the pointy side sticking into your
backside above your buttock, add another one to your hip if you'd like to
wonder why people in pain sometimes seem flighty or disorganized.

smash your hand into your car door, the knuckles only

set your alarm clock to go off every seven minutes.

not having pain in your body is like
not having asthma
not having poverty
not having outdoor plumbing
not having unemployment
not having nightmares

not having pain is one of those vague detached blessings,
where you are glad to be alive, if you have chronic pain
because you think to be dead would be worse.

and the medication,
comprimises the things that don't have pain,
can atrophy your liver, tax your kidneys
cause tremors take your hair out
cause weight gain leading to obesity related issues

a hug,
is like a vice grip. but all you want sometimes
is to lay on top of someone, while they stroke your hair and tell you
funny stories.
i.
want to lay ontop of someone while they stroke my hair and
tell me funny stories.

then kiss their back as they fall asleep

for some reason, kissing dulls pain.
creates a sheath between the throbbing and your body.
perhaps,
the person laying there, letting you kiss their back,
keeps wonder womans stupid ass
from landing her invisible plane on you in the middle of the night.